What is The Perfect Example of Both Good and Bad Luck?
The Naughty Wind Blows The Girl's Skirt High (Good Luck)
But at The Same Time Dust Falls into the Boy's Eyes (Bad Luck)
Height of Disappointment:
Husband Enter in a Medical Store to Buy Condoms on Weekend and Receives SMS from Wife: Bring Whisper While Coming Home.
Men are Like Babies.
If You Want to Shut Them Up, Stick a Boob in their Mouth.
For Those who can't Afford Porn, it's Better to put Women's Tennis on TV, Close your Eyes and only Hear it
Most Interesting Line Written on the Front of T-Shirt of a Girl, . . . . . . .
Excuse Me ! My Face Is Above.
��
Little Girl Climbed a Tree. Santa Saw, Called Her Down and Gave Her Rs.100 to Buy a Panty. (Girl told Mom)
Greedy Mom Climbed Next Day. Santa Called Her Down and Gave Rs.5 to Buy a Razor...!
Madam: Give 3 Advantages of Banana.
Boys- 1. Rich Calcium. 2. Reduces Cholesterol. 3. No Risk of Cancer.
Girls- 1. No Risk of Pregnancy. 2. No HIV. 3. No Need of Partner!
Vicky Donor Special!
Teacher:Why Sperm Donation is More Expensive Than Blood Donation ..?
Sardar: Very Simple Madam Hand Made Things are Always Costly.
Santa was Rejected at MBA Job Interview When He was Asked to Give an Example of Team Work. Santa Replied ''Gang Rape".
Boss : What is the Difference Between a Key and a Panty..?
Secretary (shying) :
Key : Insert and Open
Panty : Open and Insert.
Recession Signboard on the Door of a Prostitute.
Summer Offer: Use Both Sides at Same Price or Any One Side Twice.
During Sex, GF Started Screaming, Throwing Hands and Crying.
Boy: What are you Doing? We Aren't Doing it 1st Time.
GF: You Just Continue, I am Practising for My Wedding Night.
What is Contraceptive Pill?
It is the 2nd Best Things That A Woman Can Keep in Her Mouth to Avoid Pregnancy.
Newly Wedded Couple After Sex.
Husband : I'll be Frank, You are not the First Girl.
Wife: I'll also be Frank, You Still Have to Learn a Lot.
Prostitution is the Only Industry Where Fresh Employees are Paid More than the Experienced Ones.
I was really angry when I lost quiz by 1 point. Last question was, "Where do women mostly have curly hair"?
I was sure that i was correct, but stupid judges said"Africa"
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Picture message Good Morning
Good mourning picture message
Man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?' 'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke'
The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same'
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again.
'The usual?' asks the waitress.
'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.
'Same,' says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.
'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?
'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'
'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live. It's brilliant!''
That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact amount of money is always there,' says the man.The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'
The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt & long legs who agrees with everything I say'
MORAL OF THE STORY: Men are brilliant until they think about a woman
Funny
The Japanese have always loved fresh fish
But the water close to Japan has not held many fish for decades.
So to feed the Japanese population, fishing boats got bigger and went farther than ever.
The further the fishermen went, the longer it took to bring the fish
If the return trip took more time, the fish were not fresh.
To solve this problem, fish companies installed freezers on their boats.
They would catch the fish and freeze them at sea.
Freezers allowed the boats to go farther and stay longer.
However, the Japanese could taste the difference between fresh and frozen fish and they did not like the taste of frozen fish
The frozen fish brought a lower price.
So, fishing companies installed fish tanks.
They would catch the fish and stuff them in the tanks, fin to fin.
After a little thrashing around, they were tired, dull, and lost their fresh-fish taste.
The fishing industry faced an impending crisis!
But today, they get fresh-tasting fish to Japan.
How did they manage...?
To keep the fish tasting fresh, the Japanese fishing companies still put the fish in the tanks but with a small shark����
The fishare challenged and hence are constantly on the move.
The challenge they face keeps them alive and fresh!
Have you realized that some of us are also living in a pond but most of the time tired and dull....?
Basically in our lives, sharks ���� are new challenges to keep us active.
If you are steadily conquering
challenges, you are happy.
Your challenges keep you energized.
Don’t create Success and revel in it in a state of inertia.
You have the resources, skills and abilities to make a difference.
Put a shark ���� in your tank and see how far you can really go....
Good Luck
Nice Message
(��) Husband : (calls up Hotel Manager from Room) Please Come Fast, I am Having an Argument with My Wife & She Says She will Jump from ur Hotel Window.
(��) Manager : Sir, I am Sorry, But this is ur Personal Issue.
(��) Husband : yovv ! The Window's not Opening. This is a Maintenance Issue ..������
Funny
Seven complicated facts about Women:
1. They believe in saving.
2. Believe in saving but buy expensive clothes.
3. Buy expensive clothes but never have anything to wear.
4. Never have anything to wear, but always dressed beautifully.
5. Always dressed beautifully, but never satisfied.
6. Never satisfied, but still expect men to compliment them.
7. Expect men to compliment, but don't believe them if complimented.
Extremely Complicated! ��
Funny
This story is about a beautiful, expensively dressed lady who complained to her psychiatrist that she felt that her whole life was empty, it had no meaning.
So, the lady went to visit a counselor to seek out happiness.
The counselor called over the old lady who cleaned the office floors.
The counselor then said to the rich lady "I'm going to ask Mary here to tell u how she found happiness. All I want u to do is listen to her."
So the old lady put down her broom and sat on a chair and told her story:
"Well, my husband died of malaria and three months later my only son was killed by a car.
I had nobody... I had nothing left. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I never smiled at anyone, I even thought of taking my own life.
Then one evening a little kitten followed me home from work, Somehow I felt sorry for that kitten. It was cold outside, so I decided
to let the kitten in. I got it some milk, and the kitten licked the plate clean. Then it purred and rubbed against my leg and, for the first time in months,I smiled.
Then I stopped to think, if helping a little kitten could make me smile, maybe doing something for people could make me happy.
So the next day I baked some biscuits and took them to a neighbor who was sick in bed.
Every day I tried to do something nice for someone.
It made me so happy to see them happy.
Today, I don't know of anybody who sleeps and eats better than I do.
I've found happiness, by giving it to others."
When she heard that the rich lady cried. She had everything that money could buy, but she had lost the things which money cannot buy.
"The beauty of life does not depend on how happy you are; but on how happy others can be because of you..."
Happiness is not a destination, it's a journey.
Happiness is not tomorrow, it is now.
Happiness is not a dependency, it is a decision.
Happiness is what you are, not what you have!
��
Nice Message
��Fake friends would love to believe in rumors and hearsay.
��Real friends believe in you and stand by you in every way.
��Happiness@lways!
Friendship Message
BEST & FUNNY INTERVIEW
Officer : What Is Your Name ?
Candidate : M P. Sir.
Officer : Tell Me Properly.
Candidate : Mohan Pal Sir.
Officer : Your Father's Name ?
Candidate : M P. Sir.
Officer : What Does That Mean ?
Candidate : Manmohan Pal Sir.
Officer : Your Native Place ?
Candidate : M P. Sir.
Officer : Is It Madhya Pradesh ?
Candidate : No, Munnur Pal Sir.
Officer : What Is Your Qualification ?
Candidate : M P. Sir.
Officer : (Angrily)What Is It ?
Candidate : Metric Pass Sir.
Officer : Why Do You Need A Job ?
Candidate : M P. Sir.
Officer : And What Does That Mean ?
Candidate : Money Problem Sir.
Officer : Describe Your Personality ?
Candidate : M P. Sir.
Officer : Explain Yourself Clearly..
Candidate : Mindblowing Personality Sir.
Officer : This Discussion Is Now over, You May Go
Now....��
Candidate : M P. Sir.
Officer : huh..What Is It Now ??
Candidate : My Performance Sir.
Officer : M P.
Candidate : What Is That Sir. ....??
Officer : Mentally Punctured.
Candidate: M P. Sir.
Officer : ��Now What Is Thissss ????
Candidate: My Pleasure Sir. ����
Funny
Beautiful message for the special day:-
''Alone I can 'Say' but together we can 'Talk'. 'Alone I can 'Enjoy' but together we can 'Celebrate'. 'Alone I can 'Smile' but together we can 'Laugh'. That's the BEAUTY of Human Relations. We are nothing without each other...cheers and...stay connected ALWAYS! !!
Good morning ��
Special Message
Thursday, May 29, 2014
365 nights of an Indian woman:
60 nights periods
55 nights headaches
50 nights I am tired
40 nights I have to get up early
35 nights I am not well
25 nights the kids are awake
20 nights will do tomorrow
35 nights aaj fast hai
45 nights aaj mummy k ghar jana hai..!
Ab batao Banda Bangkok na jaye to kya kare.
Ye msg jisne b banaya hoga ..kamine ne kitna dimag lagaya hoga...
A Case Study on Wedding Decisions:
[Averge marital life 30 yrs]
COST: Marige expenses- Rs.1000000
Mthly expen-Rs.20000
Wifes mthly maintainence- Rs.5000
RETURNS:
SEX First 5 yrs- Weekly 3 Times.
Next 5 yrs- Weekly 1 Time.
Next 10 yrs -Once in 15 days.
Next 10 yrs -Once in a month.
MEANING:
1400 times sex in 30 yrs 4 an estimated expenditure of 7200000 + 1000,000 spent on wedding @ 7% for 30 years as per current FD Int rate
= 62420000
CALCULATIONS:
A Man spends Rs.54000 for each time he has Sex with his Wife.
CONCLUSION:
Outsourcing is cheaper!
Paisa aapka faisla aapka..!!
Ye jankari janhit me jaari.
Jaago Grahak Jaago!
Funny
Malayali Funeral ..... Excellent one...
A family in Kerala was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother (Ammachi) arrived from the US . It was sent by one of the daughters.
The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid;
they found a letter on top addressed to her brothers and sisters:
Dear Kunjumon, George kutty , Alice and Kunjumol
I am sending Ammachi's body to you, since it was her wish that
she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in KERALA!
Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed.
You will find inside the coffin, under Ammachi's body, cans of cheese, 10 packets of Tobler chocolates and 8 packets of Badam (peanuts) please divide these among all of you.
On Ammachi's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Georgekutty. There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Anumol's and Alice's sons. Hope the sizes are correct.
Ammachi is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Kunjumon. Just distribute the rest among yourselves.
The 2 new Jeans that Ammachi is wearing are for the boys.
The Swiss watch that Rima wanted is on Ammachi's left wrist. Shanta Ammamma, Ammachi is wearing the necklace,earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them off her..
The 6 white cotton socks that Ammachi is wearing must be divided among my nephews.Please distribute all these fairly.
Love Nita.
PS : If anything more required let me know soon as Appachen also not feeling too well nowadays... ......
Jokes
Good morning picture message
Good Morning pic message
How BEDROOM smells after MARRIAGE:
First 3 years....
Perfumes, Flowers, Chocolate, Fruits...
����
After 3 years....
Baby Powder, Johnson's Cream and Lotions, Baby Oils....
��
After 15 years....
Zandu Balm, Vicks, Iodex, Relispray....
��
After 40 years....
Agarbatti...
**********************
Four stages of marriage:
Mad for each other,
Made for each other,
Mad at each other &
�� Mad because of each other
**********************
What's Marriage?
Answer- MARRIAGE Is The 7th Sense of Humans, that Destroys All The Six Senses and Makes The Person NON Sense..!
**********************
Definition Of Happy Couple -
HE Does What SHE Wants…
SHE Does What SHE Wants.
**********************
Wife: Dear, this computer is not working as per my command....
Husband: Exactly darling! its a computer, not a Husband....!!
**********************
'Laughing At Your Own Mistakes, Can Lengthen Your Life."
- Shakespear
"Laughing At your Wife's Mistakes, can SHORTEN your Life...."
- Shakespear's Wife
***
Marriage is on 3 ring .
Engagement ring
Wedding ring
And
Suffering..
Dont laugh alone pass it on.....��
Funny
Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
sales Manager is a person who convinces anyone that he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
Transformation Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.
Tester is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby.
HR Manager is a person who thinks that... a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months.
Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby….!!!!!
��
Jokes
This has got to be one of the cleverest msgs I've received in a while,
Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. (Wait till you see the last one!)
1. DILIP VENGSARKAR
When you rearrange the letters:
A SPARKLING DRIVE
2. PRINCESS DIANA
When you rearrange the letters:
END IS A CAR SPIN
3. MONICA LEWINSKY
When you rearrange the letters:
NICE SILKY WOMAN
4. DORMITORY
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
5. ASTRONOMER
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
6. DESPERATION
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
7. THE EYES
When you rearrange
THEY SEE
8. A DECIMAL POINT
When you rearrange the letters:
I M A DOT IN PLACE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE
MOTHER-IN-LAW
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER...
Jaldi forward karo..Ye market me naya hai..��
Just a time pass
Try to answer if u are a real cricket buff........... based on minimum no of clues...!
Clue no: 1 - In an Historic match between India and England , he served as a captain.....
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
Clue no: 2 - He was the Opening bowler in that match......
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Clue no: 3 - He was also the Opening batsman in that match....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
Clue no: 4 - He is the one who bowled the last ball of his
innings....
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Clue no: 5 - He was the one who faced the last ball of the
innings....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Still u didn't get it...... oops.....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Clue no: 6 - He took the last wicket of the innings......
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Clue no: 7 - He was the man of match in that particular match....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Okay atleast after this easy one
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Clue no: 8 - He won the match for his team by hitting a sixer in the
last ball........ Who is HE .
.
.
.
.
.
.
. Clue no: 9 - He becomes captain in his debut match
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Not yet
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
..
Okay Let us see answer....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
He is..........
Aamir Khan in Lagaan
dont kill me aftr dis..����
Funny Message
If u feel overloaded with Work...
Immediately go to the nearest "Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR) center
& place order for any one or more of the following Antidotes:
1: Work Isolating Neutralizing Extract (WINE)
2: Radioactive Un-work Medicine (RUM)
3: Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER)
4: Vaccino Officio Depression Killing Antigen (VODKA).
This is issued in public interest by "Buddies for Eradication of Work Disease Association (BEWDA)
Plz share this and Help !����
Funny Message
A Chinese man's wife dies in 1 year after marriage.
Sardar tries to console Chinese but doesn't know what to say.
Sardar : Hota hai yaar. Chinese thi, aur kitna chalti
Sardar jokes
Goid morning picture message for Whatsup.
